Warriors’ Forward Fix? Let’s Go!

Okay, so we’re not trading Steph… or Draymond… or their soul. But someone needs to help these Warriors stop looking like they’re playing pickup in an empty gym.

Enter John Collins: 206cm of small-ball menace who rebounds like he’s defending his grandma’s porch. And Aaron Gordon? That dude shoots 43.6% from deep now—yes, from deep. He’s basically the NBA version of a Swiss Army knife that also does jazz hands.

But here’s the real MVP: Naz Reid at $15M? That’s less than my Netflix subscription. He scores inside-out like he’s got a personal trainer on his shoulder whispering ‘explode’.

And Obi Toppin? Young Otto Porter Jr., but with more hops and fewer excuses.

So if you’re tired of watching your team look like it forgot how to defend… try one of these.

You guys pick: Gordon for swagger or Reid for savings? Comment below—let’s debate like real analysts (and maybe throw in some memes).

7’2” Block Machine?

When my Python model flagged Maluach’s blocks as ‘glowing like midnight Chicago neon,’ I thought it was debugging error. Turns out, he’s real — and he chases down fast breaks like they owe him money.

3.5-second sprints? Faster than most guards at the Combine. 4.3 blocks per 40 mins? That’s not defense — that’s emotional trauma for point guards.

And yes, he dunks without jumping — because his standing reach is literally longer than your average NBA player’s height.

So yeah: top-10 pick or just a human-shaped zoning violation?

You decide — comment below! 🏀🔥